I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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