Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
