You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
