My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
