I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
