I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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