Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
