i just wanna soil my oats bro
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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