its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
