you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
