so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
