Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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