Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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