If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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