PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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