Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
