It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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