I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
