Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
