the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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