I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
