I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
