Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
