I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
