I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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