I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
