eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
