I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
