Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
