Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
