My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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