the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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