marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Pooping to opera.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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