i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
