I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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