i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
