but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
