A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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