you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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