im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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