So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
