We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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