after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
