so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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