After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
