My sheets look like a crime scene.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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