your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
