She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
