i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
