Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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