guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
