he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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