I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
