I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
