I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
