I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
