have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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